In Baby Bump News

While Jessica Simpson birthed out a screaming 7 year old from her uterus the other day, which seems to be the only thing holding back Hoover dam like waters since it’s been raining for DAYS, Reese Witherspoon is still knocked up. Let’s face it we need women to populate the world with more babies so that the gays can turn them into accessory wearing, crocodile shoe wearing stylists with a addiction to newport 100s and champagne, it’s how we serve our country.  Could you imagine the fall line without us? It would be nothing but pink taffeta and flannel for days with birkenstocks on display, now that’s scary Mary. They really need to stop the breeding though, enough is enough. God invented the black market to buy asian children for a reason and it wasn’t just for the gays or cheap labor for Disney factories. Take a look at the emerging baby bump on Reese Witherspoon and I have to admit she looks wonderful. The best part is now that she is preggers she can no longer heave herself into those second skin leggings that show us the Lawrence of her Labia. Praise Jezus! Unfortunately her chin is still jutting out like a Kardashian ass and there is nothing we can do about that without a sandblaster, a chisel and a mask made of plaster. Isn’t she pretty ya’ll? Anyone secretly hoping she shows up to a bar so we can overhear someone say to her “you have a baby, in a bar”?  No? Just me? Alright then.