Category Archives: Television
Christina’s Body
Christina Aguilera shows off her hot body in a new Facebook post. Say so long to the days where she looked like a genetic experiment gone awry with DNA from Snooki and Miss Piggy to create Miss SnookiTina. She shows us her body and no longer is she just singing about being beautiful, the bitch is back. Move over Britney. Looks like the news that she will head back to The Voice for season five has her getting for her close up.
Springtime in New York
Welcome to New York City who’s signature fruit is always clad and in Gucci and our signature sound is that of a jackhammer outside our apartment at 5 AM. It’s been a rough year in this city hurricanes, health scares the return of harem pants, but Spring has sprung finally!! Let’s all get out tank tops and cut off denim shorts out of storage and wave hello to Spring, who has just decided to grace us with it’s presence just in time for Summer. Ah yes, Spring just another hot air blowing queen who is always running late and never comes at the right time. #RUDE
Birthday Slut
And your day just got a lot foxier. Don’t forget to wish actress, and Brian Austin Green baby mama, Megan Fox a happy birthday today!!
Trapped in the Closet
I always found it funny that so many people are so concerned with the sexual lives of celebrities. I guess a peek into their private life is all that we crave, explains the popularity of celebrity sex tapes. However when you’re celebrity you live your life out loud and proud, but what if your pride is called into question? What if you can only live your life out loud but your pride has to ride in coach with a Mets cap and sunglasses? What are they hiding and why do we feel the need to “out” celebrities and their secrets ??
While some good may come from an out and proud celebrity, forcing someone out of the closet is not only damaging but hypocritical. We preach about caring and understanding and equality but feel that things must be done out way or no way at all. Celebrities are people too and they do not owe us, as people, anything. An actor, celebrity or athlete is there to entertain us, that is it, a window into their private lives is not should not be expected. Sure the spotlight is thrust upon them and their private life and it is obvious that things will be made very public, but does that really mean we feel entitled to know their inner most secrets? With more celebrities exploding out of the closet glitter cape and mascara in place, there is talks that they have a platform to finally bring attention to the importance of equality. This I can stand behind, however when did it become a celebrities job? Although they have this amazing platform to stand on, what if they don’t want to be the face of a cause. What if by chance this celebrity isn’t sure of how to go about bringing about a positive spin or are dealing with their own demons could forcing them on this platform cause more damage than good ?
With the rise of teenage suicides you would think the public, gay and straight, would take a step back realize that they are wrong and help promote a healthy understanding of what is REALLY happening and the steps we are taking to make it better. So far we are condemning people for not doing everything the way we think it should be done causing a rift in what is perceived as right or wrong, when it reality there is no right or wrong when it comes to doing something that helps you accept who you are. The more people come out the more we struggle for equality the more vicious people are becoming. Sure gay people have always been cunning but when it starts affecting me ,taking me away from the all important discussion of Mariah Carey versus Nicki Minaj the vaseline, sneakers and straight razors make an appearance, and things are about to get real, watch what happens when people stop being polite and start stomping some ass. For years we have chuckled at Perez Hilton and then condemned him as he tried to out gay celebrities, yet as the public we are doing the same thing, true on a much smaller scale but are still no better. You cannot condemn a person for doing something that you yourself have done and are continuing to do, whether it is gossiping about the next big gay actor or justifying mixing cheetah print and stripes, we have to start living our lives the best way we can that is best for us as individuals.
In the end it is the choice of the individual who they invite into their world of rainbows, unicorns and overly buff men in speedos who are oiled up. We shouldn’t condemn them for this but celebrate the fact that they came out, finally. The struggle is admitting it to yourself and we all know that we come out when we feel ready, doing anything before you’re ready leads to bigger problems and even more confusion. Look what happens when God forgets to fully cook a male version of Ellen Degeneres, now we are stuck with Justin Bieber and that gum is never coming off the bottom of our shoe. It’s called follow through people. Shooting star, the more you know.
You know you love it.
Tranny Get Your Gun
Tranvestite – (noun) A person, typically a man, who derives pleasure from dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex.
Transgender – (adjective) Identified with a gender other than the biological one.
Transsexual: a person who has undergone a sex change operation.
It’s that time again when those fighting for equal rights must educate the masses. Normally I would hand them a copy of To Wong Foo fire up the hibachi and sit back, relax and watch the glow of confusion cover their face like fluids on a Monica Lewinsky dress. With this generation the symbolism would be lost. T hat would be like telling them that some things are meant to be private and shouldn’t be Instagrammed, Facebooked or Tweeted, in one ear Tweeted out the other.
As we continue along this road of equal rights there is a group of people who don’t appear to get as much attention as the mainstream gays, transgenders. Not only are they not given as much public love as the other gays they are usually misidentified. Which just means they never listened to Dr. Frank N. Furter from Rocky Horror. No matter how much we appear as a unified front there are disconnects. Sure they are part of the LGBT community but the disconnect seems to come from how they identify themselves causing confusion even in the gay community. The problem I feel stems from the fact that when you are part of the trans community you don’t IMMEDIATELY identify as gay or straight because all you’re doing is trying to make the inside and outside meet a happy medium. Sadly outside forces can make this at times impossible from both sides of the spectrum, and I can imagine the turmoil from within this group. People can be too quick to judge or try to fit a square peg into a round hole, so to speak, but it’s not that simple. Once again this isn’t a choice to be this way it is how you are born. The only choice you have is how you decide to express yourself and when you will make things right for yourself. What’s the big deal anyway? Just another pretty person out on the streets that you will be rubber necking and doing a double take. When these girls strut you don’t know if they are men, women or born that way so take it at face value, while they serve face kiddies. Just remember no bashing until you have had to grapple with enough fishing line and vaseline to squeeze into a corset, slide your feet into 7 inch stilettos two sizes too small and put on a lacefront on the A train while doing eyeliner. Until then love the art and watch the show, as always it’s going to be a good one.
Remember in an unfeeling world you have to make your own armor, throw it on and serve runway realness on Madison Avenue. Lucky for the LGBT community our armor is covered in sequins and our combat boots are from Gucci, no one said we had to fight in Birksenstocks and overalls, no offense. We are fighting this war from the trenches which means an updated ensemble is needed, I was thinking shorts. See you on the front lines.
You know you love it.
Hot Fuzz
Beard. noun: the hair that grows on a man’s face often excluding the mustache
Beard. noun: a man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner
It’s an interesting checklist of things you must go through before you reach that rite of passage where you seize claim to your masculinity. Sometimes you are only seen as a man when you marry a woman and produce a child, sometimes you’re referred to as a man simply by looking and acting as one, even though this is misleading we aren’t taking into account anything deeper than physical. Then there is one thing that speaks volumes, a beard. Now I am not talking your best girlfriend, girl who is a friend, that you use as a cover up every time your parents visit from out of town. This helps throw off the real scent of whips, chains and other guys who excite you in the closet, so to speak. I am talking about the tuft of hair that causes men and women alike to cringe ever so slightly at the bristle that protrudes,causing our nostrils to tickle and leave a beard burn that makes it look like we have been physically assaulted, in the bad way.
While I never thought of being a “man” having anything to do with masculinity, noticing a lack of manscaping I got to thinking about the beard. Again not a date to the Oscars that some guys parade on the red carpet. They pretend as if we don’t know that every other night of the week they are being stuffed with more sausage than 4 drunk NJ girls at Papaya Dog. I recently was scoping out the fashion scene today and I noticed someone a good distance away, handsome clad in an H&M jacket , plimsolls and with their chosen accessory of a beard. From a distance this individual looked older than I imagined based on their ensemble bringing me to a conclusion that their outfit was a little, young. Then I took a second look, which made me realize they could have been in their mid to late twenties however their chosen accessory of a beard that they once used to make them look older so they could buy beer was no longer needed and could he coulduse a little bit of tinted moisturizer and a razor, second though with those whiskers a weed whacker.
There isn’t anyone who doesn’t love a little scruff, say like Stephen Amell from CW’s Arrow, hello salty goodness, but when your beard is telling you to feed it and your mouth isn’t moving it’s time to trim. This is where manscaping comes into play, trim, shave and style that hot chin mess express and condition it. No one wants beard burn, and it’s not only on the face I am referring to. No matter how pressed your Armani suit is if your face looks like it’s housing a small rodent family of four, you need to style your wild nest. Remember we all love a clean workplace, remember that guys, even at the basement level. Words to live by.
You know you love it.
The Break-Up
Another Hollywood romance falls apart and if we can’t count on Hollywood for an example of a healthy relationship then how will we know when to feel bad when we aren’t CW pretty and every problem isn’t resolved within an hour? But alas Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder from The Vampire Diaries, who took they sexcapades off screen 3 years ago, are now calling it quits. Sure they will steal fight, hook up and smack each other around but this time it will be strictly professional, unless there’s a sex tape we don’t know about. Now that’s something we could sink our teeth in.
Liza with a Z
Liza Minnelli is down with the gays. She is so down with the gays she officiated the gay marriage in Sex and the City 2 and posed for a NO H8 photo shoot. And if you weren’t moved a little bit by her rousing rendition of Single Ladies in Sex and the City 2, which was the only tolerable thing about that stillborn idea, then you must turn in your gay card and Prada mules at once. So let us bask in the light shining from her NO H8 campaign photo and let it give us hope that if Liza can marry a gay man then Cher as my witness the gays shall never hide in the closet again!!
What’s Your Number?
Miley Cyrus is on top in a good way when it’s revealed she is named MAXIM Magazine’s number one hot female! Dreams really do come true, if you have super low expectations and no other goals. Congrats!! Definitely will be a Party In The U.S.A at her house tonight!!
Photoshop of Horrors
Kate Moss has certainly seen better days. Yet straight men would still flock to her feet to get a chance to “hit this.” Looks like Kate has already been hit, in the face with a shovel and left for dead. She isn’t the only one with a face that looks like 40 miles of bad road. Take a look below. Enjoy feeling better about yourself, #UrWelcome.
