Blog Archives
Clench of the Titans
In our world we are constantly evolving and working for a better world where everyone is treated fairly. Right now we are on the front lines of equal rights for the LGBT community, just turn on your television, just not FOX NEWS. The “news” part is just another word they throw around like “credibility.” However not everyone feels that everyone is made equally and therefore doesn’t want to give rights to everyone. Welcome to Amurica.
It always struck me as funny when heterosexual men would act all out of sorts when a gay man is present or how their demeanor will change the moment a gay man two steps into the conversation. They’re tension is so serious it’s as if they’re crotch and ass go on lockdown, clink clink. These guys aren’t ever Zac Efron, Chris Pine or Channing Tatum placing their jewels under lock and key, but it’s always the guy that is half a chromosome from being Rosie O’Donnell. Talking about how they don’t agree with “homosexuals” and how it “ain’t right” and how they don’t like them because they want to sleep with everyone and don’t want to get hit on. Does this hitting involve a bus?
Time to play a game of true or false. If your eyebrows haven’t met a pair of tweezers they can bond with, we will take a pass.True! If your backwards baseball cap is from your little league days in 1994, we are moving on. True! If your hair screams Melissa Etheridge’s mullet from the 80′s, you’re the only one I WON’T be settling on when last call rolls around. True! I believe rapper T-Pain said all he needed to with a twitter post. Thanks T-Pain for being an ally or at least being open minded enough to realize that gays are desperate for equal rights not just plain desperate. Straight men who are scared of the gays, just keep doing what your doing. We don’t want to bruise your ego any more than those straight women who won’t mess with you already, by revealing that we aren’t interested either.
You know you love it.
Let the Magic Begin
Hey there theater goers looks like if you didn’t believe in magic before this would be a good time to start. After speculation after speculation the Magic Mike Broadway show is heavy into development with tons of fun, laughter and you guessed it, SKIN. If you’re hoping to see Channing Tatum booty popping on stage or Joe Manganiello’s hose, you may be disappointed but let’s hold out until we’re sure. Until then we can replay the grope sessions that captured our hearts, shortened our pants.
Do You Believe in Magic?
Hell yeah I do boo boo! Especially when that magic is enough six packs to wash my laundry on but I won’t be banging anything against a rock, if you catch my drift. Only in the movie Magic Mike will the patrons of a male strip joint be beautiful and sexy women who can actually control themselves. How they control themselves is completely confusing to me with Channing Tatum, Matt Bomer and Alex Pettyfer gyrating, grinding and showing enough cakes to feed starving children in Somalia. Check out this trailer and behold the splendor I do believe in God and God IS a woman because she gave us this miracle of Magic Mike. Gone are those horrible lines from some whining girl complaining about the hotness in front of her, THIS is what we want to see. Movie tickets: $20, Twizzlers: $7, Rear nudity from Magic Mike cast: PRICELESS. Watch the trailer HERE and keep the tissues handy. Werk!
Where’s the Magic?
Hello Magic Mike we have waited so long to meet you and finally here you are in all your greased up shirtless action, the movie that launched a thousand blue balls and the trailer has just been released. Sadly enough it’s less shirtless muscled boys rolling around on each other or gyrating to a nifty soundtrack, don’t worry Rihanna sneaks her stank self in there a tad bit, it’s more music and talking and talking ……and talking. Instead of seeing some sexual tension between Alex Pettyfer and Matt Bomer giving us some of that Showgirls action tongues almost meeting then pulling away we get MORE talking. All the good shizz is replaced by some chick who sounds like Jodie Foster, if Jodie Foster fisted her just not where you think, telling Channing Tatum what can’t do and that she doesn’t understand walking out of a job with a thousand dollars a night in cash. Bitch shut up tell him to buy you top shelf and pay for dinner already, damn. White girls always got to be nosy and uptight and complicated like she is so deep. Lord! She can’t be around his lifestyle of dancing to pursue his dream of designing furniture, raise eyebrows here. I can see how it’s difficult to stand behind a man with such a great ass and aspirations to be more than what he currently is, tough. At this time I was hoping to say pass the kleenex for another reason but now I must weep because it’s painful, literally. Watch what happens when the Magic goes out of the trailer but Channing Tatum is still more yummy than a double thick hamburger after walking for 40 days in the dessert. Unless your kosher then your ass is just going to starve.
He’s Sexy and He Knows It
Channing Tatum is the fantasy of every girl, woman and sexually confused boy in the world, ok and the NOT so sexually confused, and sometimes you just wish that you could clone all that sexiness and hide it under your bed. But you know that’s a lot of responsibility because you have walk him, feed him and bathe him. Which pretty much sounds like a dream come true all over your face. There are other people in this world that would love to take home Channing Tatum, I think it’s somewhere in the billions, or at least a part of him. It seems that Channing has so much going for him that everyone is trying to ride his bubble butt like taking a ride on Lady Gaga’s disco stick. Over at Parks and Recreation Adam Scott took time to tell Details magazine that he is ready to motorboat Channing’s ass like a 14 year old boy with his girlfriend in the janitors closet before lunch.
DETAILS: Wow, that is nerdy. So, on Parks, the cast always seems to be having a ton of fun.
Adam Scott: You don’t have fun at work? You work for Details. You sit around and talk about hot dudes like Channing Tatum. That guy looks like he was sculpted out of ivory. If they made casts of asses to sell at adult stores for people to have sex with, they would use his ass. Sorry for everything I just said.
It’s apparently a short road from having fun on set to leaning over an ass like Channing’s and hitting harder than Lindsay Lohan and a pedestrian. He will be asking for forgiveness all night as he takes time to search for the right cheeks all night to fill the void that only Channing can fill but unfortunately never will. Looks like Adam Scoot will have to look for something else to fill up, I hear the restroom in Central Park is very popular you never know what your going get, or catch.
Broadway Bound for Channing? (video)
Channing Tatum took to the SNL stage with the vigor of a seasoned stripper on a pole. Oh wait… Anyway he worked his ass off like he was getting 20′s stuffed into his g-string…. oh that’s right. Anyway he was pretty good and looked incredibly delish, anyone who says this dish should be served cold needs to realize he is much too hot and nothing ever grows cold when he’s around. Hence why that bitch in The Vow pisses me off, you wake up with no memory and you Channing Tatum in love with you and you dare question it? Bitch you should have the taste slapped out of your mouth. He took time to do an online live chat and answer a few questions and talks about maybe tackling Broadway and talking about how amazing the SNL cast were to him and to work with. It’s quite cute to see him answering questions and talking and makes me want to scratch the eyes of his wife out then dump her body in a dumpster behind a 7-11 in Sun Vally. Then I realize he says he will try anything, once. Oh the fantasies one can live off of with that one statement.
Stripping for a Cause (video)
In case you didn’t hear Channing Tatum was bringing some super sexy back to Saturday Night Live last night, not that I was watching I was too busy popping vicodin like a insane housewife from a square state riving her kids to school on the wrong way down a one way or a Lohan at church. However after hearing that he was taking is off like Courtney Stodden at the Grove on a Tuesday morning I had to find him showing us why he is the greatest thing to watch since an ugly crying face made by Kim Kardashian. However there is nothing to mock here just behold the splendor that is Channing Tatum. Just a reminder keep towels, tissues and lotion near you and try no to gum up the keyboard.
You’re Hired!
Remember when that rumor was flying around about Blake Lively and the Steven Soderbergh film Side Effects and how the major financier picked up like a telemarketing scam and left town after hearing Blake and her pout were cast in the lead? Well first off how dare they not recognize her incredibly talents on the after school special that is Gossip Girl it takes years of practice mumble in different dialects and accents and second it’s true. Sure the movie also stars Channing Tatum and Catherine Zeta-Jones but somehow they felt that Lively wouldn’t be so “lively” and they did what anyone else does and stopped neogitating with her and decided to cast the merkin holder from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Also known as Rooney Mara. Makes sense since the character is a pill popping chickie who stumbles around set like she just overdosed on Nyquil and hates her husband who is busy in the clink getting raped by a 500 pound latino named Tiny. If anyone can pull that off its Rooney. The husband is Channing Tatum by the way, maybe we’ll get some nudity from him yet! What is more shocking that not realizing they can bank some bank of Lively is that the financing company had a problem with her and not the pretty face of Channing Tatum. I smell something foul and it’s not that merkin that has been left out in the sun for three days and never been washed since principal photography wrapped. Maybe this is Step Up 5 and they are just trying o throw us off the scent of the trail I envision a cell block number clad only in bubble wrap and shame as he waltz with Tiny with grace of Fred Astaire.
Eye Candy of the Day
The glorious Michael Fassbender. How do we describe his chiseled good looks, his piercing blue eyes his love of going full frontal in movies? Full frontal, maybe Magic Mike, which stars Channing Tatum and Matthew Bomer should take a hint, the man has no shame. Insert shameless plug for his movie Shame here. There are reasons to love this man for his talent, style and did I mention the fact he goes full frontal in movies. Ok just want to make sure we bang that home like Sandusky and a 12 year old boy in the locker room. This is why he is my eye candy of the day, sorry ya’ll this is a family site so no naked pictures. I am trying to make my mom proud by talking about open sores, STDs and Kim Kardashian getting peed on my three truckers and a donkey. My mother raised a lady, only she doesn’t know it.
Let the Magic Begin
It’s here! Ok so they were here last night like a prom night dumpster baby but no one is throwing this in the dumpster behind the 7-11. The new male version of Showgirls titled Magic Mike has decided to show us exactly what we are missing when it comes to waxing every hair from your body and being tweezed to the point of death. I can imagine they feel super sexy and probably freezing. Enjoy the looks of Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer in the dessert looking like they are at any moment going to throw some glitter make it rain then begin making out. If you haven’t seen them then you are obviously more confused that the attendees at Kim KArdashians weddings who are wondering at the reception if they can get their gifts back now.
