Blog Archives
Battle of the Bulge
It seems size does matter, at least when you’re Jon Hamm. It’s no secret that Mad Men star Jon Hamm is working with a piece that causing muscles to stretch and bones to break but is it becoming too much in his period era drama? Could be. The wardrobe department is trying to figure out a solution to their “problem” with outfits that leave very little to the imagination and even less room to grow. An insider, no pun intended, says that they have been busy retouching photos and shooting from angles that are less “obscene.” Oh well looks like he has been cursed with a blessing of talent, looks and a sports cup that runneth over. May you carry this burden with honor.
How to Have a Baby Without Even Trying
If you want to know how, just call Jon Hamm have him use the soap in the shower then use it and all of sudden your uterus is more full than Michelle Duggar on a Sunday afternoon. Let’s face it Jon Hamm is some sexy piece of man meat that you would let you smack you across the face then get him a scotch and soda because you know he can lay it on you. After looking at Jon Hamm and then hearing his eloquent speech regarding Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton and the fact he is an amazing actor with that a tongue that won’t quit it’s no surprise he has been approached to be a baby daddy once or twice. Sure at the time he was a broke, white bitch living off top ramen while tricking out on Santa Monica Blvd so he said no, or maybe because it was a gay couple and no uterus was involved? Either way it all worked out.
You ARE An Idiot!
I think that sums up Jonathan Cheban, for once Dr. Phil done good. Add another person to the payroll of the KarTRASHian Klan. After everyone and their dead grandmother told the free world they wish Kim Kardashian would choke on the NFL peen she is currently servicing and save us from the frozen face, dead eye stare for years to come Cheban stepped in, sort of like Wonder Woman without the cool invisible jet, with lips firmly placed to surgically enhanced ass and defended her like a beaten down white woman from Oklahoma does her abusive husband. Anyway after sexy Jon Hamm from Mad Men laid into Kim like she was doing another porn flick Jonathan decided it’s time he spoke up.
“I think Jon Hamm needs to just shut up and stop being such a mad man! He needs to mind his own business, because Kim works hard. They do different things –it’s a whole different world. Put Jon Hamm in a mall, and more people will go up to the people working at the Burger King than they will to him. Bring Kim to a mall and there will be a riot. They’re in two different businesses. Kim’s pop culture and what people like. It’s a lot of work, and she’s here to stay. Let’s see where he is after Mad Men.”
Must be fun to live in his world of make believe where he doesn’t know what the hell is going on. Burger King? What is he talking about? The sad part is that Kim has so much going on yet she isn’t the leader of anything. It’s a team behind her and I am not just talking about a Basketball Team fighting over her wide open hole, a business team who does everything she then signs off on. I doubt in 5 years Kim Kardashian will be more than a science fair project gone wrong in Hollywood while Jon Hamm wins a few Emmys and an Oscar., just for giggles. Looks like Jonathan Cheban had his healthy bowl of delusional-o cereal this morning, yum.
He’s Sorry …. Sort Of
Jon Hamm is sorry, yup he is sorry for being so damn sexy, talented, educated and with an ass that you could bounce a quater off of in the middle night as he nibbles lightly on your neck, wait I had a point. Oh yeah and for calling Kim Kardashian a f*cking idiot. Well he’s not wrong when you allow a D List celebrity sibling to dangle his meat near you as you tape it. So a few days ago Jon Hamm let us know that he is found as Kim Kardashian as having a rotweiler naw on his left nut while sipping bleach with Kim pretending to frown and pout only her recent facial rejuvination wouldn’t let her so only one mouth was frowning, think lower.
“It’s surprising to me that it has become remotely a story. I don’t know Ms. Kardashian, I know her public persona. What I said was meant to be more on pervasiveness of something in our culture, not personal, but she took offense to it and that is her right.”
What he’s saying is :
“Big whoop that whore bag plastic bitch heard me. About time she heard the truth instead of pretending that we care. I can’t help it she has minions waiting on her to shove her brain full of botox and knowledge every time her name is mentioned. Did I mention I don’t care?”
Sounds genuine to me right? Ah who cares well except for Pimp Mama Kris who is monitoring him from her tower like an evil Queen with a new handbag, or is that the skin from her face? Lord knows what they do with her old skin when they scrape that shizz off. Just be careful Jon she might sick Khloe on you and that beast will flatten LA trying to get to you, and I don’t think the Kardashians are able to be killed so I doubt beauty will kill the beast this time.
Kardashian to English Dictionary
We all know that the Kardashians are about as useful as a jew playing ANY sport but let’s face it they are filthy rich for doing absolutely nothing and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. However if you feel like you want to talk about them please do so because they love it more than being slapped in the face by every meat sausage from the NFL, as long as it’s black. So when Jon Hamm so eloquently had the insight of calling Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton “F*cking Idiots” we all stifled a laugh, ok we didn’t we laugh hard enough to pee a little like a nervous toy dog, as we knew that it would make it’s way back to the Kardashians, like tracing that new super strand of gonorrhea back to them. Being the ladies they read about in books with pictures they released a statement in crayon initially but got serious later taking to twitter like a good fame whore celeb. Here is what Kim said on twitter:
“I just heard about the comment Jon Hamm made about me in an interview. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, “stupid,” is in my opinion careless.
Wait I studied this language so let me translate Katrashian Whoranese, this may not be exact but here we go.
“I heard Jon Hamm talking about me and it’s not fair! Why does he get to judge me based on the fact I have done nothing with my life but make a bazillion dollars on “leaking” a sex tape and marrying someone for 72 days for it to fail after the contract rain out. But I am so happy he is talking about me because I have this weird sensation in my uranium battery up my ass that tells me everytime someone talks about me. When people are talking me and it makes a ca-ching noise letting me know that’s another couple hundred dollars Unfortunately it also let’s me know when one of my migrant workers in the sweat shops I have has their hands cut off for not doing a proper hidden button. You can’t trust 7 year olds, I tell you. But still thanks Jon for talking about me and if you ever need help figuring out my talent I am happy to give you a personal demonstration.”
I did my best but consider it a loose translation.
Friends With Kids Just Got Fox-y
New film “Friends With Kids” which will explore the ideas of what happens when you skip the family, mini van, day trips and relationship problems and just have kids then move on in your separate lives, with baby in tow of course, just got a whole lot sexier with the addition of Megan Fox to the cast. The project which is the child of Jennifer Westfeldt, from “Kissing Jessica Stein”, “24″ and “Notes From the Underbelly,” after all she is writing,directing and starring in it, will show Jennifer experiencing just that when she has babies with Adam Scott, from “Leap Year” and “Stepbrothers”. Where does Megan Fox fit in? Well remember after a breakup when you see your ex with some hot something or other and he looks all shiny and new, well guess where the plot goes from there. Fox and Scott start dating and soon after chaos ensues as Westfeldt’s character tries to figure out what she wants. Is it possible she wants the love and marriage or is she just trying to bogart his goodies? While Fox may have found a place for her type of humor in “Jennifer’s Body”, no one actually saw that so this could give us a chance to see Ms. Fox, or Mrs. Brian Austin Green, show us what she can do, other than battle animated machines on a green screen in daisy dukes. Given that is a great resume builder. The film will also star Jon Hamm and Kristin Wiig, movie isn’t due out until 2012 so let’s see how many plot lines and changes happen before we see a finished product. I swear if they put Megan Fox in daisy dukes I am boycotting the film.
