Rihanna may always be fashionably late but four hours borders on just plan rude. The singer was meant to perform at a Chicago high school as part of a charity with a performance at 1 PM, the singer hit the stage at 5 PM. This is what happens when you don’t have a watch or cell phone and all the clocks in the world are broken, you show up late. The singer did send out a tweet about how crazy Chicago traffic was and relayed it to the audience but offered nothing else in response to her tardiness. Looks like we know where she has been all our life, stuck in traffic.
Mary Jane isn’t just the name of Spider-Man’s on again off again girlfriend it is the nickname for the best friend of Rihanna, even if the haven’t called it that since the 70′s. As we all know she likes to indulge in the cannabis so when her tour bus was stopped at the border of Canada they found weed on the bus, shocking. The funny part is that it wasn’t Rihanna’s, because she wasn’t even on the bus. Looks like karma is a bitch, just not to Rihanna.
Rihanna may have been sunning herself in Hawaii with on-again off-again boyfriend Chris Brown but back here on the mainland a lot was going down. It appears that Rihanna’s Pacific Palisades home was under attack or it would have been if the burglar had gotten the address right. Google maps anyone? The burglar erroneously broke into her neighbors home and was promptly arrested. I guess he found love in a hopeless place, and that would be in a cell with Bubba and a hungry grin.
Hey Rihanna fans sad that you weren’t involved in stalking her and Chris Brown in person on her birthday celebration? Why leave the comfort of your home to do that when she went wild on Instagram. While some celebrities fight for their right for privacy Rihanna let’s us get closer to her and Chris Brown guess she really is the only girl in the world, so she thinks.
As usual my life brings up many questions about life. First foremost who and what do I want to be when I grow up, does the boy I am dating really LIKE me and if hot pink is a new fall color? These questions and more weigh heavy on my cerebral cortex, but once again it all comes back to dating. Alas, dating which to me is the post modern version of Chinese water torture, and if you met this person online then it’s quite possible it can lead to actual torture. Rihanna may be turned on by whips and chains, until that chain is attached to a chainsaw coming at you like Mexicans jumping the border. As usual I was pondering relationships, my own and friends and it got me to thinking about when the right time to say you’re “in a relationship” presents itself. Is this a mutual thing, is there a need for “the talk”? Or can we leave it unsaid, I couldn’t help but wonder…….
When you start dating someone you hope for the stomach flip and butterflies and the occasional piece of jewelry for them to show they care. This is all dandy in the beginning you’re getting to know each other and finding out if he going to go all Christian Grey on your ass or if he going to be the quiet passive type. Hopefully a little bit of both right? After months and months of dating you start to wonder where this is all going and feel the need for “The Talk”. Nothing will make a man run faster than the need to have a sit down talk, well that and if you use THE word, threesome. Notice I didn’t say WHICH direction. Is there a time limit on when you can say that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or does it just sort of happen automatically? Being a fan of getting to the point I like to have my cards laid on the table ass up, because I’m kinky like that. This may sound trite but, life is short. There is no point to constantly drag out a relationship if it isn’t working and there is no need to leave someone hanging if it is working. Some may argue that if it’s working then if it ain’t broke, don’t define it. Defining the relationship is our safety net, a way for us to admit how we feel and why we feel it, and to hook the sucker like people for an open bar. Also gives us free reign to stop dying our hair, working out and get the mom jeans off the top shelf of the closet, I know it scream sexy. Some people give it 6 months some give it 3 months some from jump know that they want to be with that person and no one else, not to mention getting tested is such a pain, literally. That’s the thing though isn’t it? Defining the relationship means you have to hang up your sash for America’s Next Top HoBag and learn to live your life as a twosome with no threesomes in sight, unless you’re in Cabo then what happens in Cabo ends up on TMZ.
In the end the decision is mutual. Some people will always be serial daters while some strive for monotony, I MEAN monogamy. While some act as if relationship is another made up word like “addiction” or “ 10-inches”, I like the idea of a relationship. Someone to trust, talk to and one day love, how could you say no? Sometime it’s not for everyone but before you define yourself without a relationship maybe you should define yourself within a relationship, did you keep up? Shall we go one more round? Now is the time for guts because it will force you to evaluate where you stand and if you can accept a relationship other than the relationship your forehead has with a needle full botulism. Now THAT is true love.
If there is an award for attention whoring of the year it would go to Rihanna. I know I will be getting the death ray from Kris Kardashian for not recognizing the meaningless contribution of her daughter Kim and her wide open trap, not that one lower. First Rihanna is photographed rolling a joint on the head of her bodyguard while she sat on his shoulders, hope he got overtime, now Rihanna is just doing her best to stay as relevant as converse at a fashion show with adapting new skin techniques. Rihanna posted a picture showing her turning into Courtney Stodden, dubbed the Iguana Princess by Michal K at DLISTED, and showed us that skin is in, just doesn’t have to be your own. I think Rihanna got the memo mix up, they said reptile skin is in, not turn INTO a reptile. Uh-oh she has already scheduled her appointment for a bisected tongue someone stop her! Well if she does that she won’t be able to sing or talk, on second thought girl you would look fagtastic with a forked tongue, work it out! Ok so it’s for her music video “Where Have You Been?” Probably looking for jergens, who knew that reptiles turned men on, sexy.
Hello Magic Mike we have waited so long to meet you and finally here you are in all your greased up shirtless action, the movie that launched a thousand blue balls and the trailer has just been released. Sadly enough it’s less shirtless muscled boys rolling around on each other or gyrating to a nifty soundtrack, don’t worry Rihanna sneaks her stank self in there a tad bit, it’s more music and talking and talking ……and talking. Instead of seeing some sexual tension between Alex Pettyfer and Matt Bomer giving us some of that Showgirls action tongues almost meeting then pulling away we get MORE talking. All the good shizz is replaced by some chick who sounds like Jodie Foster, if Jodie Foster fisted her just not where you think, telling Channing Tatum what can’t do and that she doesn’t understand walking out of a job with a thousand dollars a night in cash. Bitch shut up tell him to buy you top shelf and pay for dinner already, damn. White girls always got to be nosy and uptight and complicated like she is so deep. Lord! She can’t be around his lifestyle of dancing to pursue his dream of designing furniture, raise eyebrows here. I can see how it’s difficult to stand behind a man with such a great ass and aspirations to be more than what he currently is, tough. At this time I was hoping to say pass the kleenex for another reason but now I must weep because it’s painful, literally. Watch what happens when the Magic goes out of the trailer but Channing Tatum is still more yummy than a double thick hamburger after walking for 40 days in the dessert. Unless your kosher then your ass is just going to starve.
Not that I really care about Rihanna banging Ashton Kutcher in the bathroom at TGIFridays while Javier the busboy watches but wasn’t smart enough to capture the information on his phone but I figure this is good filler. When Rihanna attended a London press conference for the sure to be hit but horrible movie Battleship she was asked a question to which she didn’t handle the best of ways. The reporter asked if Ashton Kutcher would be attending the premiere with her Goldie Hawn hair stealing mess of a self until Rihanna flashed some fangs slit her reptile eyes and huffed and puffed and acted all agitated for being asked the question them snorted out that she’s “happy and single if that’s what they were asking.” Damn girl get your dental floss out of your ass it’s just a question, a yes or no one at that. Let’s just say you can’t believe everything you read in tabloid about you hooking your beak into the poon of Ashton Kutcher, but why get on your huffy bike and blow smoke if there’s no truth to it ? Me thinks someone is lying through her bleached roots.