It’s been a few days and the initial shock that Lindsay Lohan could be free to terrorize pedestrians and kick puppies is wearing off after following the crushed up meth line to the court room Linds got a pat on the head from the judge at her probation hearing and you know what that means! I can talk mad shizz. I know it’s a shock me talk about people as if they were nothing more than lazy, spoiled, brats who have nothing to contribute to society but pop culture crap that most likely won’t stand the test of time? You bet that needle full of botulism I am! First we have Judge Stephanie Sautner who knew tough love and a bunch of crushed up gold stars resembling a powdery substance would get Lilo to court on time each time where she patted her on the head for doing what she’s suppose to do and sent her on her way with a little hop in her pimp step. Good job Linds we’re so proud! Gag, love ya like a cold sore hun! Then word has it that she is confirmed to play the late great Liz Taylor for the some Lifetime piece of crap that has brought us such classics as Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boobs in the Client List. I can see this being nothing but class coming right out of her freckled hair ass. I am already creating a drinking game called take a sip every time it’s obvious Lindsay goes cross eyed they cut and come back and she is propped up against someone making her look somewhat coherent. Basically you drink until you’re drunk, or most likely die. Now that Linds is almost a free women without the fear of Big Bertha exacting her revenge on Lilo with a sawed off broom stick she partied at a pre-Oscar party. I am not sure if the party was on a boat because her lips could be used as flotation devices, honey stop puckering it’s not sexy. Ah yes Living Lohan must be a treat to wake up with horse hair bleached blond to offset the color of your orange skin you got from opening a cheeto bag too quickly and then stumbling through a party as your mother tries to keep her low rise jeans from slipping down her front crack. Told yo, class all the way.
Nope it’s not Groundhog Day it’s sort of like a Britney Spears hook in a song that won’t end. It just keeps going and going and going until you unplug it or throw the radio in the bathtub with you in it. Let’s jump back in with some more updates ok? This juice is freshly squeezed and definitely not from concentrate so thank those little mexicans who helped squeeze it boys and girlie boys it took hours. How lucky are we that we live in a world that Tyler Perry is a huge success and star? Yeah pretty lucky now if only we could get him to do a movie without incest, rape, drugs and jail we could get on with our world, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. But just hold on ya’ll because Tyler Perry is getting his own network. Yup the folks at Lionsgate just love him so much they are going to love him, squeeze him and call him George, but not Lopez. Not much is known at this point except that CEO Jon Feitheimer called Perry a “rare piece of talent”, he’s a piece alright, and is going to do one of two things either buy and rebrand an unfulfilled distributed channel or try a nesting strategy with a channel such as TV Guide. All you women’s channels be afraid be very afraid you men too because you know you’re going to have to sit there and watch over and over and over again until your pop out of your head. You thought it was bad having Lifetime, television for women imagine Tyler P TV all drama all the time. Apparently Tyler didn’t need Oprah for this because he can do bad all by himself. Speaking of Lifetime, remember when Jennifer Love Hewitt was dishing out all those happy endings on her tv movie The Client List? Well someone was happy about that ending so much it’s back! So get the massage oil ready boys and girls if you’re into that thing because she’s here. Just when you thought you had seen the last of her on the Boob Whisperer, I mean Ghost Whisperer my bad, she’s back and this time she’s dealing with the living, eh sort of. Love has scored a deal, hmm wrong choice in words maybe, with Lifetime to star and executive produce the series The Client List and the show has a ten episode order for 2012, get it girl. With the deal Love even inked a deal to direct a future Lifetime movie. Well work it out girl go ahead and get yourself incorporated without the kids part. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse the UK is pulling in some major train wrecks for their new Celerity Big Brother. So far the line up is Pamela Anderson , Bobby Brown and just confirmed is Tara Reid. I am simply plotzing here, stunned silence. Well at least we can be sure of one thing maybe two things that there will some serious cat fights going down or a lot of nipples showing, that will at least get the pubescent boys tuning in to see who’s voted out. Oh well let’s not forget the most important part, 24/7 monitored see-through glass showers, but not a reason to watch. No one wants to see Bobby Brown walking around in his terrycloth robe all cracked out and then naked. I rather listen to Lindsay Lohan sing live, if she can take time out of her busy schedule of not working to perform.